Log in

Trying Again Tomorrow [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

"half the time, the world is ending/truth is, I am done pretending..." [Dec. 11th, 2008|01:35 am]
[Tags|, , , , , , ]
[Current Music |"Love Remains the Same" Gavin Rossdale]

I think it's time for me to say good-bye.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything crazy. But I have to walk away. This whole thing, with Sarah and ConTech and the creepy bald guys- even if I don't post, it's just burned in my brain and eating me up inside, and I can't let it do that anymore. If I don't walk away, it's going to destroy me eventually.

I'm sorry. I am. I love you guys, and I'll keep in touch, just not here. LJ just always reminds me of Sarah. If you guys decide to keep fighting, good luck. I can't. I'm not that strong.

And to be honest, I'm not sure we could win. I'm not sure we ever could. I'm not sure we were ever going to get her back.

I hope I'm wrong.

In the meantime, I have to try and fix things with my father, and my family. And myself. Maybe I'll post again someday. But not now.


LinkLeave a comment

"drive until you lose the road/or break with the ones you follow..." [Nov. 15th, 2008|02:29 pm]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Music |"How To Save A Life" The Fray]

Wow. I've really let everything slide around here, haven't I? Not that there's been anything happening. I guess we've all just kind of given up, huh? I know I have. Given up on hearing from Sarah. Given up on talking my Dad out of working for ConTech. Given up on fighting ConTech.

Even the things that weren't that important. Like Johnny. What the hell was the point of that? I'm barely trying NaNo this year. I registered and wrote a couple hundred words.

I'm just...so fucking tired of it all.
LinkLeave a comment

"will you be there on the ground if I should fall..." [Oct. 20th, 2008|09:01 am]
[Tags|, , , , , ]
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]
[Current Music |"Learn To Crawl" Black Lab]

I can't believe I haven't updated this thing more. Things have been really tense around here.

My father starts working at ConTech today. We haven't been talking. He and Mom still think I'm being unreasonable. They set up an appointment with a therapist for me today. Without my knowledge.

As for my supposed siblings. Not so much talking to them either. They totally sold me out during that argument, and I'm not quite ready to forgive them.

Now I find out Lyrra's heading to California by herself to get all Veronica Mars on ConTech. So there's one more thing to worry about.

I need to do some schoolwork.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

"let's keep on rockin'/to the rhythem of our hearts..." [Sep. 29th, 2008|09:50 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Mood |scaredscared]
[Current Music |"Good and Broken" Miley Cyrus]

Sally/Jasmin has somehow, for some reason, acquired the soundtrack to "Hannah Montana," and has been playing it.

Without headphones.

In our room.

You wanna know the worst part? I'm starting to like it.

For bubble-gum, girl-power pop, it's not bad. Miley Cyrus has a decent voice.


Help me.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

"I don't know where we are going now..." [Sep. 21st, 2008|03:30 pm]
[Current Mood |okayokay]
[Current Music |"Dakota" Stereophonics]

Sorry I didn't update last night, but I got in late. Not like walk-of-shame late. Like someone-checked-the-wrong-theater-times-and-we-had-to-wait-for-a-later-showing late.

The date was...okay. It was fun. Nathan was sweet, and we had some stuff in common, but I don't know if I'll see him again, or if he'd want to see me again. I dunno. I'm glad I did it.

Link2 comments|Leave a comment

"my mouth is dry/with words I cannot verbalize..." [Sep. 19th, 2008|04:22 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Mood |nervousnervous]
[Current Music |"We Are Broken" Paramore]

I'm going on a date. Tomorrow night. My first.

Sally/Jasmin went batshit crazy when I told her. She's going through our closet trying to find an outfit for me. Her side, as if any of that stuff would fit me.

It's gonna be me, Lindsey, Johnny and their friend Nathan. We're going to dinner and a movie. They say he's a really sweet guy.

I dunno. I'm kind of excited. Just...not as much as I probably should be. But hey, it'll be good for me. I mean, it's my first date. It needed to happen eventually. Can't live on the Internet forever, right?

I guess I should pick out something to wear.

Link1 comment|Leave a comment

"someone told me/love would all save us/but how can that be?/look what love gave us..." [Sep. 15th, 2008|10:55 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Mood |sadsad]
[Current Music |"Hero" Chad Kroeger & Josey Scott]

Wow, I haven't updated this thing in a while. Sorry. I guess my heart just isn't in it.

I haven't seen the Creepy Bald Guy around lately. I don't know if that's good or not, because I don't know if it means he's really gone or not. If he's still watching me, I want to see him.

*sigh* Whatever.

Real life is actually okay. Work has been slow, since school is back in, but I don't mind. Gives me a chance to actually write some stuff, which I have been. And NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, so that's good.

Also, I might have my first date soon. Lindsey wants to set me up with one of her and Johnny's friends on a double date with them. Which has a huge potential for pain and awkwardness since I'm totally in love with Johnny.

Okay, there. I said it. It's Johnny. I'm in love with Johnny. Johnny, who I work with. Johnny, who's girlfriend I work with. Cute, funny, sweet Johnny.

This sucks.
LinkLeave a comment

"when you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears..." [Sep. 1st, 2008|01:16 am]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Mood |morosemorose]
[Current Music |"My Immortal" Evanescence]

Did anyone else see the entry in ConTech's journal about Sarah's anniversary? It kind of pissed me off. And kind of reinforced my suspicions.

I don't just want to say that ConTech was involved in Sarah's disappearance, as I know we're all thinking. But I can't shake the feeling that they're hiding something. And I want to know what.

I think we owe it to Sarah to do more than what we are right now. And this may be all that we can do.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

"It's Midnight's late reminder of/the loss of her, the one I love..." [Aug. 30th, 2008|01:48 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]
[Current Music |"Into The Ocean" Blue October]

She's not coming back, is she?
LinkLeave a comment

"I'm all out of faith/this is how I feel..." [Aug. 26th, 2008|12:57 am]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Mood |gloomygloomy]
[Current Music |"Torn" Natalie Imbruglia]

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much, guys. I'm actually trying to focus on "real life" at the moment, especially now that I'm back "in school." I'm trying to stick to that, and writing and work, and less on Sarah and My Crush and Creepy Bald Guys. That stuff just depresses me, and that's not what I need.

Which I guess means I should stop checking my Friends List every twenty minutes.

Time for bed, I think.


ETA: Also, I'm gonna marry Michael Phelps.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]